L1GHT3N UP, N3RD, IT'S 4 P4RTY
by kitchFit
Summary: The kids and trolls of Earth C have decided to throw a beach party! And they all seem to be having a good time! Except for one blue eyed boy who seems a little too preoccupied with something on his phone, and Someone is going to have to bring him back to reality. Johnrezi (Cover image was made by Siabh, at siabh., please check them out!)


It was a beautiful day on the beaches of Earth C: the waves were calm, the sky was clear, and stupid red crocodiles were obnoxiously screaming their snouts off and burying eachother in the sand. It seemed the perfect time for a group of friends to have a beach party, or so Rose suggested. And it seemed she was right, everyone seemed to be having a good time. Roxy and Calliope, Dirk and Dave, and Arquius and Gcatavros were all playing a weird, three-teamed, battle-royal version of volleyball that Dave seemed to be making up the rules for as they went along. Karkat was begrudgingly recording the score for said game, taking cover from the sun under his Sbahj-themed parasol and his black, full-bodied "sand-protection apparatus."

Rose, Kanaya, and Jane were all sunbathing on long beach towels, Kanaya taking particular enjoyment in the sun's rays while she sipped a smoothie that no one felt comfortable asking the contents of, and laughed as her wife entertained her jokes only they would understand. And Terezi seemed to be entertaining herself with her new polaroid camera she got for her wriggling day, somehow always taking the most blurry and indecipherable pictures imaginable.

"What the hell is this supposed to be, anyway, nothing on the beach is that shade of red, where are you getting these?" Dave asked her when she showed them to him, one photographer to the other, more ironic photographer.

"OH D4V3, IF ONLY YOU KN3W," she said cryptically, and sauntered off to take more pictures, leaving Dave confused and more than a little concerned.

The only member of the group who did not seem to be enjoying themselves was one John Egbert, who was sitting on a rock, his feet in the shallows, scowling at his phone, far away from his friends and their festivities.

Dave, after being completely bodied by Tavros' and Arquius' _Godly Strength Cybernetic Sneezy Spike combo _for the third time in their volleyball match, decided to take a break and do something about the John Situation. "Yo Rose, John's been sitting there, for like, the entire time we've been here. C'mon this was your idea what do we do?"

Rose tipped her shades down and looked at him dismissively, "What? He needed to be out of the house and now he's here. I've everything I can do with the sight my aspect provided me with."

Dave rolled his eyes under his aviators, "I mean, you could cut the pretentious horseshit and idk, be his friend and talk to him."

"With the clairvoyance afforded to me, I can already foresee that my intervention will do almost nothing to help John. You can certainly talk to him, and should, but it won't do anything except move along the proper course of events." Rose replied. Dave groaned, performing the 1X Faceslap in annoyance before going over to John. As far as Dave was aware it had been actual weeks since John had actually stepped out of his house. It was Rose's idea to have a beach party to begin with, a big bash where they could all get together in one place, where they could finally connect to their long-time best friend who they hadn't seen in a long time, but the friend in question had been alone on his phone since the bash began.

"hey, john," Dave called out to him, no response, "bro. dude. john. bro. john." He continued to text away. "Jegus Christ. JOHN. WINDBAG. GHOST NERD. MATTHEW MCCANAHEY IS SHIRTLESS ON THE BEACH AND HES HOT AS FUCK. DONT WANT TO MISS THIS DUDE."

"Dave, what the hell are you talking about?" John finally replied. A bewildered and irritated expression on his face.

"oh so THAT'S what gets your attention. I see. dear ol dave aint got the bod for the high brow, nearly pretentious man-taste of egbert, but that scrawny no-talent from failure to launch with the stupid sexy accent gets ALL the John-lust. I mean, that guy is probably dead, right? almost definitely crushed by meteors. unless... he had a copy of sburb. and the man was def loaded, skipping out on new game of the year? With his salary? No way dude. I bet you my dumb god pajamas he and snoop out there LIVING in paradox space, chilling with Obama and Nic Cage just waiting for us to come pick em up. I bet you-"

"DAVE!" John cut in, startling Dave out of his reverie, "Uuh, sorry. just, did you actually need something? I am kind of busy here." He gestured to his phone.

Dave quickly regained his composure, "oh, uuh, yea, bro. I was just wondering if you wanted to join this absolute asinine beach ball game with us. the big sweaty muscle troll freak and the annoying cat dude keep making up these stupid ultimate moves and are basically being the worst. so you gotta get over here and make this dumb shit slightly less unbearable c'mon dude."

"Umm, yea maybe," John replied, after some deliberation, "I just have to finish thi-" John was interrupted by a sudden *ding* on his phone, and all his attention immediately drifted back toward his previous business. Dave looked over his shoulder to see what it was and to his surprise, saw a snapchat of what appeared to be a much brattier version of Calliope with red cheeks and a large middle finger taking up most of the screen. This made John's face tense up with a sudden anger as he went back to furiously texting on his phone.

Under his shades, Dave's candy-apple-red eyes widened. There had not been many times before this that he had witnessed his best bro show actual anger so evidently, so vehemently, so… unironically. And all over a single snapchat. Seeing there was nothing he could try without physical force, he left John alone to go and find Calliope.

He found her laughing with Roxy while they play fought with sand and the currently not-in-use volleyball, probably waiting for the game to restart. When they saw him coming Roxy caught the ball and called out to him, "Oh hey yo davey are we playing this dumb ball game thing or what? C'mon get John over here it's so much fun!"

"Uh yea, well. haven't had an incredible amount of luck in that particular area, dude seems a little too absorbed with his previous engagement," Dave mimed texting with his hands, "he looked pretty annoyed about it too."

"Omg, is that what he was doing over there? He has been SO hard to reach lately, who is he even talking to?"

"Ohh, i didn't really recognize the dude, but he looked a little like…" Dave looked over at Calliope, "yo gal cal, don't you have like, an evil brother that we have to kill someday because he's gonna destroy everything or something?"

Calliope had a shocked look on her face, "Oh no, I do hope John's not argUing with him, my brother has an Uncanny ability to get Under yoUr skin, and a habit of Using very… personal methods to do it. John already told me of a rUn in he had with him where they did not exactly… get along."

Roxy's eyes narrowed, "alright let's talk to him. also, dave, did u just call Callie 'Gal Cal'? because that is adorabel."

"Yea I'm cute now can we go save one of our mutual best friends from evil alien preteen torment now?" the three of them went back to John. The sunburn running down his neck was almost as red as his face as he completely engulfed himself in his online confrontation. Roxy crouched next to him and put her hand on his burnt shoulder. John winced, but he did not look up. "Hey John, u doing alright? U wanna come over and play a ball game with us? it's reeeeaaallly fun, trust me. dave and dirk are a team, the cute cat ghost dude and dirks sweaty horse clone are a team, and u can be on me and callie's team! ;)"

"Roxy what the hell are you doing, he's not six," Dave cut in, "Talk like a normal person immediately."

"Oh. right. yea. yo john! homeboy! Broslice. Why dont u.. uh.. come party with the BABES. Yeah. Me and Callie. I know what ur about boy. Liven up ur LIFE with sum of this hot ass. stop talkin to that ugly green skull dude in overalls and start chattin up this sexy, sundress-wearing green skull GODDESS. Yea? Yea?" Roxy gestured to Calliope, which brought a brighter shade of green to her already bright green cheeks. John did not react other than to shrug off her hand and grate his teeth in frustration.

"Roxy I said like a normal person," Dave sighed, "Why did I think you'd be better at this than me." He once again applied a single hand to his face in despondency, when the air began to move faster around them. John's muscles tensed as he glared at the screen. A look over his shoulder showed Caliborn had sent him various screenshots of one Dad Egbert, angrily scribbled over with badly drawn red lines meant to look like blood. John stood up as the wind started to whirl around them and the waves got higher. A look of fear spread across Roxy, Dave, and Calliope as they urgently tried to calm him down.

"Uh, bro!?"

"John?

"John!"

"H3Y N3RD!" Her shout came out of nowhere, and seemingly so did she. The wind died down and John's face cleared up but did not relinquish his angry expression as Terezi strolled up looking oblivious to everything around her, "LOOK 4T MY COLORS! 1V3 GOT 4 LOT OF T4STY R3DS 4ND SOUR BLU3S!"She put various blurry polaroid pictures in front of his phone, "LOOK! 1 3V3N W3NT OUT OF MY W4Y TO F1ND SOM3 D3L1C1OUS K1W1 GR33NS, JUST FOR YOU! 4ND 4 SP3C14L T34L ON3, (ON3 1 D1DNT SHOW D4V3 OR K4RK4T ;])"

John blushed but quickly shoved her hand out of his eyeline, "I'm doing something right now, Terezi, I don't want to look your… pictures. Go away." Terezi briefly looked hurt, only for a moment before grinning down at his phone.

"WHO'R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO?"

"None of your business."

"WHY, 1S 1T 4 G1RL?"

"What? No."  
"OOH SO 1TS 4 BOY. 1S H3 HOT? 1S H3 L1K3 TH3 M4CONN4H3Y GUY?"

"No, ew, what? He's not- stop!" Terezi grabbed at his hands, trying to get a look at the screen. She began to crawl over John's shoulder, eagerly reaching for his phone, "OH PL34S3, 3GB3RT, DON'T PR3T3ND L1K3 YOU'R3 NOT 3NJOY1NG TH1S!"

John shrugged her off, "Stop it, Terezi! I'm in the middle of something!" He turned away from her and continued texting with an intent look in his eyes. Terezi's nostrils flared as she gave him a blind glare from behind her red-tinted shades. Without hesitation she wrenched his phone out of his hand and launched it into the sea.

"Terezi, what the _FUCK_!?" John screamed, his voice cracking. John's little outburst had gotten the whole beach staring at them in anticipation.

"OH? WH4T 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO DO 4BOUT IT, HMM? GONN4 K33P 1GNOR1NG 3V3RYON3 W1THOUT YOU'R3 PR3C1OUS L1TTL3 LONG-D1ST4NC3 SCR34M C4N" For a minute it was a stand-off. Their muscles tensed, hatred emanating from them both as they morphed into their strife poses. The energy in the air was palpable. Finally, after a silence that seemed to last a lifetime, Terezi gave John a little smirk and a chuckle and John launched himself at her, the brawl began.

John landed his entire body on top of Terezi and they fell to the sand. It was a constant grapple of who was on top. Each of their friends had started to gather around them, some in surprised fear, others in excited anticipation. Kanaya stood the closest, hesitant, unsure of whether she should break up their melee or let the fight take its natural course. In the end, she did nothing. Dirk whispered something to Dave, and he nodded, smirking. Roxy and Karkat both gave the fighting couple a knowing look, Roxy holding Calliope close to keep her from intervening. Jake started cheering them on, shouting, "Oh, come on, John, give her a ripe good walloping! Not that I condone violence against a fair lady like yourself, Terezi, and I think you're are just prime to flatten the bejeezus out of our mutual friend, it's just that John here is my good chap, and-" his ramblings were overshadowed by everyone else joining in, each one cheering for who they thought should win.

But John and Terezi were too enveloped in their battle to understand the cacophony behind them. Terezi sunk her black nails into John's back, making him yelp as she rolled him into the sea, holding him under the waves. The salt-water burned into the cuts on his back, and he grimaced. With a growl, John did the windy thing, propelling her twenty feet into the sky. John stood up to gloat about his god-tier strategy, but Terezi didn't miss a beat. Somersaulting through the air and thinning herself out into a straight-shooting bullet-like Terezi, she rammed dead-center into John's bare chest, tackle-pouncing him across the beach as everyone scattered to get out of the way.

She held his arms and legs down with her own, and puckered her lips as a thin line of drool fell out of her mouth. It came within an inch of John's face before she slurped it right back into hers.

"Eck, Terezi, that is disgusting! Ew!" He complained as she repeated the process.

"OH? 1S TH4T D1SS4T1SF4CT1ON 1 H34R? WOULD YOU R4TH3R 1 P3RFORM SOM3TH1NG MOR3… D1R3CT?" She leaned in and started licking John right on his face, "1S TH1S… MOR3 TO YOUR L1K1NG… L1TTL3 W1NDY GOD?"

"Ugh. Gross! Ew… haha… Stop it!" John said, starting to giggle.

"H3Y JOHN, WHY 4R3 YOU L1CK1NG YOURS3LF? WHY 4R3 YOU L1CK1NG YOURS3LF?

"Ew. That. Doesn't even. Make. Haha ew. Sense-I SAID STOP IT!" He yelled as he summoned a gust of air to knock Terezi right on her back while he positioned himself right above her, holding her hands over her head. He scowled down at her, but all she did was give him a fierce, challenging grin. John blushed. He was suddenly aware of everyone watching them in anticipation. Then he was back to laughing. He released Terezi and fell right down on his back again, clutching his stomach from the chuckles and goofs coming out of him. Terezi sat up with a now triumphant grin from ear to ear.

"Haha, hee, haaaaa…" John sighed,

"Hey guys," said Dave, "So uuh, you guys done with whatever the hell that was or…?"

"Yeah I think so, sorry for dragging the party down, guys." John said

"No, dude, it's fine, just get over here and finish this stupid volleyball game with us, that is, if you can still get up."

"Heh, I think I'm okay," John said, standing up, "I think I needed a good fight to get out of my own head, away from Calliope's asshole of a brother's dumb mind games, so uh, thanks Terezi." John looked at her apologetically.

She got up and threw her arms around him from behind, whispering uncomfortably close to his ear, "OH 1'LL THROW DOWN W1TH YOU 4NYT1M3, 3GB3RT."

A cold chill went up his spine, "Ugh, you still owe me a new phone, though."

"WH4T3V3R."


End file.
